Oh how I hate to feel envy

Published on July 30, 2008 By CharlesCS In Blogging

Envy: a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another

I hate feeling envy. It's a terrible feeling and could also be dangerous. But I'm not the type you should be afraid of so don't worry. I have felt envy before towards people who have things that I like. My dream car, a '69 Camaro Convertible, a really cool and powerful laptop (which I already have so I don't get that feeling anymore) and other things. I have also felt envy of some peoples abilities that I wish I could have. Like running fast without losing my breath ( I got asthma), having an artistic ability like those who create skins for Stardock products (Windowblinds, CursorFX, BootSkin, Etc.).

But the people I envy the most? My wifes friends (guys and girls). Why do I envy them? Simple. They have some things I am not able to achieve with the mother of my children. She can spend hours on the phone talking to any or all of them and always have something to talke about. I can barely get passed 2 minutes into a conversation where she is not interested in what I have to say or we end up arguing. I can hear her conversations (not the details just the noise) and she is always laughing and having a good time. I can barely make her smile let alone laugh. There have been times when I notices she goes out of her way to do some of her friends favors yet I have to ask for everything and most of the time argue or remind her before she actually does it. The most amazing thing is how she knows so much about them, about their lives, their families, their daily routines. After 10 years she still doesn't know my favorite food, my shoe size, or what I like on a pizza. There are times when jealousy gets thrown in the mix as I find myself a bit annoyed that I am not part of her happiness while on the phone or on MySpace.com. Her phone rings about as often as my job phone does, and I work for customer service. Thank God her phone plan has unlimited text messaging.

But these good times are not limited to just her friends. She is also like this with her family. Maybe not so much her sister, but more than with me. She is even like this with total strangers. At one point she was often talking to some person there that I thought was a co-worker but turned out to be a stranger she met on the train one her way home from work. Talk about mind boggling, she had no problem sharing phone numbers with this guy and then talking to him after she came home, sometimes late at night while I either watched TV or played my games online. I didn’t make much of it since I figured it was a co-worker and I had met many of them and they are nice people (the guys and the girls). I trusted her, somewhat. Hey, I’m a guy and it’s in my nature to be somewhat jealous. I eventually could not go on feeling uncomfortable with her having so much fun without me that I asked her who this guy was she had so much fun talking to and she told me she met him on the train one time and had fun talking to him and made a friendship with him. I was shocked. While I have no issues with her making friends, be it guys or girls, I thought it was kinda stupid to give your number to a total stranger and allow him to call you while at home with your man late at night (8 to 11) not having a clue who he was, what he might be capable of doing if he decided to look for her again and maybe follow her. Did it ever occure to this guy that he was occupying another mans time? Did he not have a sense of respect for a woman who already had a person in her life? Did he not think it was inappropriate to be having conversations with a “married” woman so late at night? I must be behind the times, maybe this is just another one of those “it’s the new fad” things like wearing a string bikini while weighing 300 pounds or walking with you pants at your knees while showing your boxers. Socially accepted.

I told her that I felt this was disrespectful to me that she talks to a total stranger while I’m around and seeming to have a better time talking to him than she does with me. I find it incredible I did not lose it there for a moment. The worst part is that she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. As far as she was concerned she was simply talking to a guy she met as friends. Yea, is if as a man I am suppose to just say “oh, ok, no problem then. That’s cool”. So far she has not spoken to him anymore after (according to her) she told him she couldn’t talk to him anymore. I wanna believe her, but my macho attitude won’t let it go so easily.

This is crazy. Do we truly have to live believing women cannot have guy friends (or guys have women friends) without thinking there might be something going on? Are we that insecure about ourselves (those of us who are that is)? In the end I am more saddened that I cannot reach this level of enjoyment with my wife that her family, friends and strangers can. Guess I am duller than I thought I was.

Am I being silly about this? Am I making more of this that it really is? I have already spoken to her before and the results have been anything but positive. Man, am I a loser. LOL.

Comments (Page 3)

Jythier

on Aug 07, 2008

Have you had paternity testing done on these children, Charles?

Who cares whose blood is behind them if he is raising them? He's the father.

If the relationship can't be saved from the abuse, then yeah, you have to stop it for the kid's sake. But if the relationship can be turned around, your kids will see not only the right way to treat their future spouse, but also that a relationship can be turned around if both parties are willing to make it work, and work to make it.

KFC Kickin For Christ

on Aug 07, 2008

exactly, it's not about one or the other. It's not always just about remaining in an unhappy marriage or leaving. There are other avenues to go down. Like I've said I've seen some pretty miserable marriages take off and do very well with some help and guidance along the way. The kids are the benefactors as well as the parents. A miserable marriage doesn't have to stay that way and leaving isn't the only option.

It's ok for the kids to see fighting and conflict resolution. I've seen some that never saw this and had miserable marriages because they didn't have the skills to "fight" effectively.

CharlesCS

on Aug 07, 2008

Well, had not realized how far this had gone.

LW,

I understand your point and you are correct in some of these things. But you are mixing stories here a bit and I have to make sure this is corrected. My wife did not go around meeting men and having sex with them. The guys that were involved in these situations were guys she knew before me, dated them before me and even I knew some of them. I had never seen her give her number away to a stranger before, considering she was not hiding her calls from me and she knows I can find anything on her phone and she pretty much has everything open to my disposal, I don't believe this is something she does with frequency. Yes, she did wrong when she was talking to this one guy, but I'm not about to brand her as some kind of whore having sex with every stranger she meets, that's basically what i got from your comments. She did really stupid things years ago and some recent ones not as bad as those before. But she is not having happy hours on a daily basis either. She spends more time at home than most women I know, she rarely leaves me and the kids alone and when she does she usually wants us to go with her or she is going to a family's house.

I have access to all her email, her websites, even her computer, all given by her to me. I know most of her friends, she usually talks on the phone around me and does not like going out alone without us. I just wanted to make that clear to everyone, we are not talking about a person who has had sex with 100 guys in a month, we are talking about someone who made a few mistakes in the past and as far as I know has never done it again. She doesn't think she did anything wrong with talking to this person but now she agrees it was wrong. that to me is an improvement.

Have you had paternity testing done on these children, Charles?

I never had and would never do that because regardless they are my kids and could never do anything to change that. But I am 100% sure they are mine because apart from both looking identical to me, having so many of my habits and characteristics, these events did not happen during the time she was pregnant or got pregnant.

For example, boys who see their fathers treat women with disrespect, whether it's merely emotional, economic, verbal, or physical abuse, often grow up to treat their own wives similarly. They learn by what they see. (And yes, charles, shutting your family out for hours and hours of entertainment on your computer is a form of emotional abuse. I need only mention a certain stank-fish to show you just how severe that abuse can become, too.)

And girls who are raised in homes where their mothers are abused (or those who abuse their husbands, the pendulum swings both ways) usually end up in abusive relationships themselves...or marry doormats that they themselves can abuse. (Note to Charle's wife, pursuing relationships with other men, even if it's just via telephone, is abusive towards your husband. The fact that you kept it a secret for so long is pretty damning, and even if you're totally innocent of taking this relationship further, you've damaged his trust, his self esteem, and stuck your fingers in an old wound...your previous infidelities.)

This can be true, but I am one of those who was not affected by the problems in our household. I actually did everything within my power to be nothing like my father, even though I share his looks, his attitude and in part his mentality. I am, however, opposite of him in almost every way. Hell, I am even really bad with money while he is very good at making and saving money.

Daddy lives on the machine and mommy gives out her home # to other men...and sometimes even screws them.

I don't take your words to much at heart anymore because I am use to your straight forward honesty and your need to make something bad sound 10 times worse than it really is. I believe I live in an average house where the parents are both working, very busy and don't often have time to be a family. I have never argued with my wife and we don't discuss our problems in front of the kids. I am sure they are smart enough to know we have issues, but I don't believe they see a sad couple, struggling to stay together having to jump over Grand Canyon size obstacles while trying to provide a family environment to them. Probably the one thing my kids may be aware of is that daddy is really bad at managing money (but have improved) and that mommy likes myspace.com a lot. But while my kids may not get 100% attention from their dad because he's an idiot, they know we love them and will do anything for them.

Texas Wahine

on Aug 07, 2008

I believe I live in an average house where the parents are both working, very busy and don't often have time to be a family.

Maybe think about this sentence a bit, Charles.

CharlesCS

on Aug 07, 2008

Maybe think about this sentence a bit, Charles.

Believe me I do. If it was as easy as my wife staying home, it would be done. We don't get home till after 6 where we have to cook, get the kids in the shower and do our daily chores before we can even sit an watch some TV, play some games with the kids or stroll around the internet. Before we know it, the kids gotta go to sleep. And this is while I don't have a part time yet. Soon enough I will have no time what so ever except on the weekends. You all think I don't care, that I don't try but you are all sadly mistaken. I have not had luck when it comes to staying above my financial duties, I can only accomplish so much at this point in time, but I am working hard on improving things but that does not happen overnight either.

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