(title changed)
It’s kinda funny the things you find reading the many articles on JU. During my vacation away from posting on JU (since I was still looking around) I came across a comment made by Gideon in an article titled “Why do I hate telephones?”. An interesting article I might add, I do have similar feelings when it comes to telephones, its even worse when it comes to cell phones. Maybe I’ll write an article about it, similar to that of the writer of the article above.
Anyways, the comment Gideon made in response to the writer spoke about social anxiety disorder. A disorder that, according to Wikipedia, is an experience of fear, apprehension or worry regarding social situations and being evaluated by others. In short avoiding people or crowds. I found this comment interesting because it kinda described how I feel once I get out of work. During my 8 plus hours at work I have no problem interacting with my fellow employees, we joke around, eat lunch together, and work as a team with no problems. It’s actually quite interesting considering it’s only my boss, a mute/death guy on a wheelchair and me as the only guys in a dept full of women. But one I’m out of the office I only wish to be with my wife, kids, my PC and my Satellite. Since we don’t get many visitors I stick around the living room area (where my PC and Satellite are) but my bedroom is usually my sanctuary. I avoid the cell phone (the only phone in the house) and I don’t use IM software much except with my family members.
This is a bit weird considering I have loneliness. I despise being alone but I guess since making friends or getting girlfriends was a challenge for me loneliness became a common everyday thing. That and my downward spiral that has lead to my many years of not being able to keep jobs, pay my bills on time and always ending up broke to the point of being one paycheck behind every week have made me keep some distance even from family members due to being embarrassed. But I have gotten use to it, apparently. Even though my last article depicted a person who couldn’t even deal with simple misunderstandings that would lead to feeling alone in the world, I actually tend to chose being by myself, or at least with really close family members such as my wife, kids, mom and sister (my brother can stay 55 miles away from me for all I care, that’s another story). I had never thought I had any kind of named disorder, but if this be a real diagnosis then I so research to do.
It’s funny to me to think I could have a social anxiety disorder. That’s like Scooby Doo marrying Medusa. I guess this time (partially) off from JU has given me enough time to think about many matters of life and has allowed me to see things I was unaware of myself due to maybe habits (thinking I was still afraid when I wasn’t just because I was for so long) or just plain I ignored. I look forward to taking advantage of this new discovery and hope it will allow me to feel more comfortable around the JU community.