Well now you can. Introducing Windows Vista SP1 toilet paper.
Now you can actually take Windows Vista and wipe your behind with it, you can crush it, burn it, flush it and even blow your nose with it.
According to Tomshardware.com, this baby is a quality 3 ply toilet paper with all of Vistas features on it. The only problem is it is written in Japanese Kanji so have fun trying to translate it while cleaning your behind. Then again you could always kill two birds with one stone if somehow Japanese bugs you as well.
Finally a Windows that is actually good for something.